Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Body Clock

My body has an incredibly perceptive and accurate clock.  I'm not talking biological clock or monthly cycle.  Not circadian rhythm or internal alarm. 

No, no.

My body knows exactly when I have the most to accomplish and exactly when the doctor's office closes.  And then it gets sick.  Let's say it's a Friday afternoon.  You know, when the doctor is open.  I can have a teeny tickle in my throat and some baby nose sniffles.  Fast forward to midnight.  I will then have a 137 degree fever, double ear infection, bronchitis, respiratory infection and bilateral pneumonia.  And may possibly be in organ failure or something.  And I'll have to decide if I want to wake up my daughter to go to the ER with me or wait the 490 hours until morning comes.  The degree of torture involved in either choice is pretty much the same.

Last time I started getting sick, I decided I was going to outsmart it.  I go to a natural health center and I fully believe in naturopathic medicine.  I have a host of natural supplements for all different aspects of illness.  I figured I would hit the impending sickness with every single thing I had because I didn't want to end up in the ER.  So....did you know you could overdose on herbal supplements?  I did not.  Now I do.  Guess where I ended up?  Yep, the ER.  I pumped my body full of things that sounded like they had NO business being ingested by a human being.  Lotus bulb, Ping Chaun, Xin Lian Pian, Pe Min Kan Wan, Qing Qi Hua Tan Wan, Er Chen Gen Chong Ji Isatis Root.  Uhhhh, do I get an egg roll and a side of fried rice with that?  Pretty much I felt like my innards were being systematically liquified and thought I may have also inadvertently triggered cardiac arrest.  Ah, good times.

So here I am, 2 days before Thanksgiving.  Holiday.  Stuff to do.  Family to visit.  Doctors offices closings imminent.  And I'm getting sick.  The lovely doctors at the ER were nice enough to give me a pre-emptive prescription for anti-biotics to keep me from OD'ing on floral roots next time I got sick.



  1. It's not me who gets sick before the holidays. It's the kids. Some sniffles. Which if I rush to the doctor before heading out of town, will be nothing and I'll look like the world's most overly dramatic mother. If I don't take them in, it will turn into pnuemonia and I'll look like the world's most horrible mother. I can't win.

  2. No winning....isn't that what motherhood is ALL about???