Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Give Thanks

It's that time of year.  I love Thanksgiving and the holidays.  I love the muck encrusted, glitter spewing projects that come home with my daughter.  Usually.  Today my sweet pea presented me with this:

Sweet, right?  Smile and encourage "Oh what a great job you did, baby!" While in my head I'm going "really, WTF kid??" because there is NO DAD.  Well, there's 2 fathers but no dad.  Yeah, I know....because my life was (is?) like a soap opera.  Except without the awkward product placement.  (Because no one reads my blog yet.)

"I just don't know how I would survive motherhood without Cheerios!"

The "Dad" she means is the only dad she really ever knew.  Not her biological father because she has never met him.  He saw her once, in court, when she was 14 months old and that's the extent of their relationship.  "Dad" refers to my ex boyfriend.  We started dating when she was 2 months old.  Two & a half years later, we had mapped out a future, marriage, adoption, more children, etc.  That future began with me buying a home 2 miles from where he lived so we would be close enough that he could live here part time.  He had bought the house his parents lived in...they were both very sick and he lived there to take care of them and.....oh cripes, it's such a long and convoluded story.  Let's suffice it to say, I was a naive love-struck idiot who proceeded to ignore and justify every HUGE, bright red flag that bashed me in the ol' noggin. 

So here's me, about to venture into my first home purchase, all strategically planned around him and his promises.  And the week of the closing, where I would have lost $17,000 if I backed out, he decided he wasn't sure if he was up for this whole relationship, marriage, parenthood thing.  And this has to be the best breakup line of ALL time.  "I love you and I want to be with you and Bianca but I just think that it's better if we break up now because what happens if we break up down the line when Bianca is older and then it will be so much harder for her."  Go ahead and read that again.  Yeah....even though I "love" you, we should break up now to avoid it being painful later.  Um, okaaaaay.  And so now here I live.  In his town, 2 miles from his house with daily reminders of why I will never be an idiot again.  Well, at least not about a guy.  Otherwise, I'm pretty much an idiot all the time. 

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