Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Worst Christmas Gift. Ever.

I was at my office Christmas Holiday (damn P.C.-ness) lunch yesterday.  I was seated across from a co-worker who is 29 years old and, one can tell, quite popular with the ladies.  He works with a female partner in the office and they are also friends outside of work. 

For ease of storytelling, I'm going to give them names.  But the names have been changed to protect the blockheads.....
Co-Worker: Steve
Steve's work partner: Mary
Mary's husband: John

Okay, so Steve has a girlfriend.  They hang out often with Mary and John.  Steve and John decide that they want to get Mary good & riled up by playing a joke on her.  She has known Steve a long time and it's just her personality that she likes to be all up in his personal business.  So a couple weeks ago, John says to Mary "Isn't that so great that Steve got engaged to his girlfriend?"  Mary FLIPS out.  "WHAT??  How did he not tell me this first?"  She calls Steve and Steve says "Yeah, I popped the question!" She's furious and is angry with Steve all week for not consulting her before making such a huge decision.  Fast forward a week of this "joke" and mind you, Steve's girlfriend.....does not know about any of this.  Steve & his girlfriend, Mary & John are all at a party and Steve decides to make "an announcement."  He stands up with his girlfiend.  Mary assumes he's announcing his engagement and instead he says "Hahahahahaha Mary....we're not engaged, we're not getting engaged.  It's a joke!!"  Yeah, that's hilarious.

Steve is patting himself on the back for a well played ruse.  I, older and wiser and FEMALE, say "Umm, how did your girlfriend feel about all this?"

"Oh, she's cool.  She thought it was funny."

"Really.  Because girls tend to be a little prickly about being the unsuspecting punchline of a joke.  A joke that end with a room full of people laughing about the fact that she is not getting engaged."

Subject was changed after that but it brought me back to my own Christmas Eve, 2004.  I had been dating Tom for two months but we had already declared our love and intent to get married.  We'd even started planning the wedding.  Yep we were idiots, or at least *I* was one.  We decided to open gifts that night since we would not see each other til later in the day on Christmas.  We went to a lovely family party and it was the first time most of my friends and family met him.  They all loved him.  I loved him.  We were all crazy happy and I was basking in the incredible glow of stupid love and too much eggnog holiday joy.  We came home, put the baby to sleep and then he tells me to come into my bedroom where there is:

tah-daaaaaaah!  HO-LEEEE CRAP!!!!  A tiny little obvious jewelry box gift is sitting on my dresser.  He is all corny-grinning and motioning for me to open it.  Oh.My.God...this is IT!!!!  All the talks and's fruition!  My heart is pounding.  My cheeks are flushing as I delicately peel back the wrapping paper.  My eyes are welling with tears as I slowly open the tiny velvet box.

Earrings.  It's earrings.

And don't get me wrong.  They were gorgeous loops bezel set with numerous diamonds.  But it was earrings.  And I was.....crushed. 

Once when I was 12, my Mom decided it would be a hoot to stuff purple lacey bras and feminine pads into my stocking to pull out in front of my father and brother.  I thought that was the worst holiday moment ever until the great jewelry disillusion topped it in spades! 

In the end, Tom turned out to be just like his gift.....not what he appeared to be once you got below the fancy wrapping and pretty box.  (Did I just say my boyfriend had a pretty box?)  Well, you get my metaphor.....cut me some slack.  I'm still sick.  :o)

1 comment:

  1. Yeah. Never get a girl a little box that isn't a ring--unless you've been married and she already has one.